Renée & Max
I feel very lucky to have had a straightforward pregnancy, labour and birth experience. I loved the feeling of joining a sacred club at each step of the journey, getting to experience what so many amazing women have experienced before me.
I had some interesting symptoms during pregnancy that I hadn't heard much about before I experienced them. I remember having really cold feet and googling if that was related to pregnancy. I also got motion sickness, and started to notice (and avoid) every road in Wellington with speed bumps. I really enjoyed listening to a weekly podcast called "Is it Normal?" by British singer, Jessie Ware, leading up to birth. It highlighted how individual each pregnancy can be.
Max was quite active in the womb. I felt him kicking a lot, and he hiccupped often. It's such a special sensation, feeling your baby hiccup inside you.
My midwife was from Domino Midwives. In our first meeting, I remember talking to her about how I was really scared of labour and the pain of birth. I was convinced I had a low pain threshold and worried that I wouldn't be able to handle labour or pushing, based on all the stories I'd heard about it being the worst pain of your life.
But by the end of my pregnancy, those fears had melted away and I was ready to go through labour to meet my baby. There isn't one specific thing I can point to that made me less afraid, but I think having a midwife I trusted made a huge difference.
I read the book Expecting Better by Emily Oster, which suggested writing down a birth plan so you don’t have to make big decisions during labour. I studiously followed that advice and wrote out my “best case scenario” birth plan.
When I felt my first contraction, I was six days overdue. It was about 4:45am on a Sunday morning, in the middle of a storm. The early contractions felt like a dull ache in my tummy, similar to period pain I’d experienced before. I made myself a hot wheat pack and got back into bed. After about an hour of not sleeping (not necessarily because of the pain, but because of the excitement and apprehension of what was happening) I woke my partner to let him know I thought I was in labour and ran myself a bath.
Labour progressed quickly for me, which I wasn’t anticipating. I had expected it to take the whole day. But after listening to Stephen Fry narrate Harry Potter in the bath for an hour or so, things had really ramped up. I wasn’t reclining comfortably anymore; I was on all fours, and the contractions were coming in quick, intense waves.
I texted my midwife at 7:30am to give her a heads-up, assuming I still had hours to go. But only half an hour later, my partner called her to ask what we should do. She asked to speak to me and could tell, by the sound of my grunts during a contraction, that I was further along than I’d let on in my text.
Our midwife lives close by and came to our house to see how far along I was. Very soon after she arrived, my waters broke. After an initial moment of panic (where I locked myself in the ensuite), she did a vaginal exam and said she could feel Max’s head.
The next question was whether I still wanted to go to the hospital. I asked, “Is it too late for an epidural?” to which my midwife and partner both giggled, instantly lightening the energy in the room. The time for an epidural had been and gone. My body was ready to push.
So, my carefully written birth plan was out the window, and 7 hours after that first contraction, I gave birth to Max on a picnic blanket on our bedroom floor, with three incredible midwives and my calm, supportive partner by my side.
One of the most memorable parts of Max’s birth happened about two hours into pushing. One of the midwives asked whether I’d be open to letting our greyhound into the bedroom. Apparently pets can help release oxytocin and move things along. When our dog came in, she lay down next to me and placed her paw on my shoulder. It felt so sweet and protective. I truly believe she helped things progress.
When Max arrived, I didn’t feel an instant rush of love like I had expected from reading other birth stories. My overwhelming feeling was relief. Relief that he was healthy, and relief that I had made it through labour and was okay. For me, love built over time. It wasn’t instantaneous.
I wasn’t planning to have a home birth without pain relief, but I’m so proud of myself that I did. It’s truly the biggest achievement of my life. Sometimes I think that if I’m lucky enough to have a second baby, I might like to experience labour with an epidural. But, I weigh that against giving birth at home in a calm and familiar environment. Being in my own bed to rest and recover after Max was born was invaluable, and that would likely tip the scales for me.
Written by Renée
